Letter 3

What pain, regret, or secret you’ve been carrying? What has been casting a shadow on your life, weighing you down, or drying out your soul?

 

Some days

I want to tear down 

Every piece of myself

Destroy the parts I hate

Decimate that fake version

I need to survive

And wreck it so thoroughly 

No one can find me

 

Would I come alive

After I was

Destroyed like shredded paper

Burned alive in the flames

Gone from the world 

As my ashes drifted in the wind

 

I am not 

Who they think I am

An amazing soul

Someone to aspire to

A leader

 

And yet 

They keep telling me I am     

I do not understand

This bruised, battered soul

Surely is nothing to strive to

What they see

I do not know

 

I’m adrift

Lost in the wreckage 

Of who I created

And who I actually am

 

Do others feel this way?

This darkness beneath

It constantly encroaches

Ruining down my persona

And my soul

 

This poem above references the me I had to become to survive my family and life. I hate what they did to me growing up. I somehow built a persona that people love but I am so fucked up. I do not understand. I just want people to see the real me, the ruined me, but I don't know how to rid of this persona.

 

Now that you've shared what was hidden in silence, what light can you draw from the situation and how it impacted you? Let it become a statement of hope to guide you onward.

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I am not a phoenix

Rising from ashes

Reborn anew

I am forged

From pain, misery, and heartbreak

A survivor I am 

And a survivor I must be

 

Dark words with a free heart

Taking the next step forward

I can’t believe I did it

That I took the step

She, a magnificent butterfly

Showed me the way 

 

Hope

Yes, hope is hard

But it is all consuming

She knew and she saw

She gave me the path

 

I am transforming

Finding the joy in the little things

Discovering myself once again

Like a pirate

Getting her treasure chest

 

And so I fall in love in with life

With the little things

Like leaves blowing in the wind

Or the sun hitting my face for the first time

 

I see it

The vision

And the journey I must take

 

I am on my way

 

The poem above is my discovery of therapy. It rocked my world and showed me a new way. She was my butterfly who helped me find myself. I still have work to do but I know my path and what to work on. 

 

 

What advice would you give yourself or someone else in this situation? (optional)

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It was the scariest thing ever going to therapy and thinking no one could see or understand me. My therapist rocked my world. You need to be ready for it. My moment was a 3am thought of "I can't live like this anymore."

 

As you end, look inward with kindness:What do you deeply love and appreciate about yourself? (optional)

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I am a creative and sweet soul. It was hardened and lost as I focused on survival but I am working my way back to who I actually am. It is hard to care and love so deeply, but I have found my avenues for expression to help release in a healthy way and remain who I am.